trumpcare wwe
John Cena receives treatment for thuganomia, a condition that will not be covered under Trumpcare.

US President Donald Trump’s controversial bill to repeal and replace Obamacare could put millions of Americans at risk — including countless professional wrestlers with pre-existing conditions. 

Among the conditions not covered under Trumpcare:

  • Torn quads (or Nash Syndrome)
  • Jerichoholism
  • Muscle bust
  • Latino heatstroke
  • Harlem heatstroke
  • X-Pac heatstroke 
  • Bionic elbow
  • Busted bronco
  • Forgotten gravity
  • Certified G (gonorrhea) 
  • Epico colon 
  • Cameltoe clutch
  • Locked ankle
  • Invisibility (Cena Syndrome)
  • Saskatchewan spinning nerve disorder
  • Missing ear
  • People’s tennis elbow
  • Yes lockjaw 
  • Mandible claw
  • Reeking of awesomeness 
  • The Gorilla Monsoon Suite of Maladies: 
    • Torn lateral collateral ligaments
    • Dislocated patella and/or marella
    • Bruised external occipital protuberance 
    • Blows to the solar plexus, kidney area, breadbasket, and/or kisser
    • Excedrin headache no. 9
  • Genetic freakishness
  • Objects turned sideways inside candy ass
  • Wrenched gut
  • Dragged arm
  • Botchulism
  • Crimson mask
  • Turned heel
  • #Brokenness 
  • Vanilla midget syndrome
  • Togo dick
  • Embarrassingly small package
  • Wide-open bustedness 
  • Bumped ref
  • Bastion boogers
  • Stomped mudhole
  • DDPee
  • Shuffled five knuckles
  • Belly-to-bellyache

The so-called Trumpcare plan already passed in the House of Representatives (America’s “creative team”), but it remains to be seen whether it will be approved by Senate (America’s “bookers”).