Kane fire burns
Police in Death Valley say an arrest is imminent in the arson case at Kane’s childhood home.

Police detectives in Death Valley announced this morning that they are “very close” to making an arrest after the decades-long investigation into a fire that destroyed the childhood home of WWE wrestler Kane.

“We have identified a primary suspect in the May 1971 fire that tragically killed Kane’s parents and left him horribly scarred for life,” said DVPD Chief Bryce McGrady at a press conference.

“An arrest is imminent.”

McGrady said apprehending and convicting a suspect in the case will finally bring some closure to Kane, who has dedicated much of his tormented life to avenging the death of his parents.

Kane has long believed that his half-brother, The Undertaker, was responsible for the fire, which was the allegation made by Kane’s father, the late Paul Bearer.

Police neither confirm nor deny that The Undertaker is the suspect, though some observers have noted that The Undertaker has once again gone into his usual 10-month seclusion — perhaps hiding from police.

Some skeptics have suggested, however, that there was never a fire at all, given that Kane’s face seemed unscarred when he finally removed his leather mask.

Conspiracy theories abound, including allegations that the mentally unstable Kane fabricated the entire story after spending several unhappy years in dentistry.