WWE raw time
Renowned astrophysicist Stephen Hawking has proven that time slows down — and even reverses — during Bella Twins’ vignettes.

A team of Cambridge astrophysicists has mathematically proven a theory that has vexed scientists for more than two decades, demonstrating that time does, in fact, slow down during the second hour of WWE’s flagship weekly program, Raw.

The team, led by the eminent cosmologist Stephen Hawking, proved that the phenomenon of “time dilation” — typically only believed to happen at near-light speeds or amid intense gravitational anomalies such as black holes — happens every Monday night shortly after 9 pm EST.

Wrestling fans have reported for years that the second hour of Raw — the interminable stretch sandwiched between the plot-establishing first hour and the main-event culmination of the third hour — seems to “drag.”

But until now, the sensation that time itself lags during the flabby mid-card has only been conjectured and whined about on Twitter, never proven.

The Cambridge scientists demonstrated, through an ingenious proof that bridges Einstein’s theory of general relativity with quantum mechanics, that time typically begins to slow down at the first appearance on Raw of Los Matadores.

The time dilation phenomenon reaches its apex during backstage vignettes featuring the squabbling Bella Twins — in some such instances, time seems to actually go backward.

The scientists published their results this week in the prestigious journal Nature, concluding their paper by saying: “It would be better for everyone if Raw just went back to two hours.”


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