Wrestling fans sick
Thousands of wrestling fans have no choice but to stay in bed until the strange illness subsides.

A bizarre and unexpected plague has apparently befallen fans of professional wrestling, as thousands reportedly called in sick for work today, despite exhibiting no preliminary symptoms yesterday.

The non-specified illness seems to only affect wrestling fans — a phenomenon that is “unprecedented and baffling,” says Dr. Bob Ponovich, an epidemiologist at the Center for Disease Control.

In a strange coincidence, the epidemic has struck on the very same day that World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) is hosting a landmark pay-per-view event in Saudi Arabia, airing live at noon EST.

Although not all wrestling fans are afflicted with the illness, a much-higher-than-normal percentage of them are also “working from home” today, for reasons unclear.

According to retail statistics, many of those affected by the sudden illness plan to self-medicate with Bud Light and Cool Ranch Doritos.