Professional wrestler Brock Lesnar is reportedly embarrassed and emasculated today after it was revealed that his phallic chest tattoo has gone permanently flaccid.
Although Lesnar has previously insisted that the tattoo is “a dagger,” its overly phallic appearance — veiny shaft, bulbous head — clearly represent an erect male member.
Until recently, the penile tattoo seemed to be a symbol of strength and virility, but in its current non-engorged state it looks pathetic and impotent.
The flaccidity of the tattoo does explain why Lesnar has worn a t-shirt during his rare television appearances, and also indicate why he hasn’t defended his WWE World Heavyweight Championship in more than 200 days.
According to sources close to Lesnar, he has tried a variety of medications and devices to remedy the problem — including threatening to give the tattoo his signature F5 maneuver — but to no avail.
His wife, Sable, allegedly attempted to re-engorge the tattoo by performing a sexy striptease, but her own artificial chest enhancements have also become unsexily droopy and pendulous.