lesnar loses
Brock Lesnar was unable to mount any offence against Gregory Iron.

In a shocking upset, professional sports-entertainer Brock Lesnar lost the WWE Universal Championship last night to independent wrestler Gregory Iron in front of an audience of 300 during a card hosted by Cleveland-based promotion Absolute Intense Wrestling (AIW).

It took only six minutes for Iron — known as the “Handicapped Hero,” due to his cerebral palsy — to utterly dismantle Lesnar, who reportedly accepted the invitation to perform at AIW’s Summertime Slaughter event as a way to shake off any “ring rust” prior to his scheduled title defence at SummerSlam next week.

Fans in attendance at Our Lady of Mt. Carmel Church were shocked to see Lesnar emerge from the locker room/rectory accept Iron’s challenge to face “anyone in the back,” and were even more shocked to see Iron force Lesnar to tap out to a camel clutch.

Lesnar was able to perform at the AIW event due to a loophole in his WWE contract that allows him to compete in UFC, the NFL, beauty pageants, independent wrestling shows, The Bachelorette, and slam poetry recitals.

Lesnar’s loss at the event throws SummerSlam plans into disarray, and it now appears that it will be Gregory Iron who faces Roman Reigns for the championship at the event. A recent online poll revealed 98 percent of fans would prefer this scenario anyway.