cena sucks
Braden Ramsay (left) hates Cena because he has forgotten what it’s like to be a young, non-jaded wrestling fan.

Thirty-four year old wrestling fan Braden Ramsay, like countless fans of his generation, vehemently despises WWE Superstar John Cena for precisely the same reasons that he adored former champion Hulk Hogan during the 1980s.

“Cena sucks,” insists Ramsay, who seems smugly oblivious to the fact that Cena exemplifies practically every “babyface” trait that he loved about Hogan during the so-called Hulkamania era.

“Cena only has five moves,” continues Ramsay, who has clearly forgotten what it’s like to be young and unpretentious, “and he’s always smiling and posing. And the way he throws his merch to the crowd? It’s such pandering, goodie-two-shoes crap.”

Ramsay, like practically all male wrestling fans above the age of 18, also dislikes Cena for his frequent championship reigns, colorful outfits, bodybuilder physique, and over-the-top patriotism — all hallmarks of Hogan’s past popularity.

Ramsay’s staunch anti-Cena stance is in direct contradiction to how he felt in 1988, when he wrote a letter to Pro Wrestling Illustrated magazine, which read: “The Hulkster is the bestest wrestler in the whole wide world and I will be a Hulkamaniac forever!”

Though Ramsay once occupied his spare time by exercising, saying prayers and eating vitamins, he now spends the majority of each day complaining about John Cena in online wrestling forums.

Ramsay also doesn’t realize that his ardent support of Dean Ambrose is based, in large part, on a latent sexual attraction.


Get Your Pro Wrestling Crate, Curated by Kayfabe News! Coupon Code KAYFABE for 10% off!