Sports-entertainment mogul Vince McMahon is reportedly “livid” tonight after learning that World Wrestling Entertainment’s top star, Roman Reigns, has relinquished the WWE Universal Championship due to a fight with “some sonofabitch named Lou Keymia.”

A red-faced McMahon stomped around backstage, kicking chairs, hollering “Goddammit” and exclaiming that “quite frankly, if Lou Keymia works for this company, his ass is going to be firrrrrred, quite frankly.”

Ol’ Man McMahon, as he is known in the WWE locker room, apparently misunderstood Reigns’ heartbreaking announcement that he is stepping away from the ring to seek treatment for a recurrence of the leukemia he has bravely battled for 11 years.

During an emotional in-ring speech, which choked up even his most ardent detractors among the WWE Universe, Reigns vowed that he would come back and “kick leukemia’s ass.”

McMahon reportedly shouted “that’s goddamn right,” and then told onlookers he had changed his mind. “I’m not going to fire this Keymia guy, I’m booking him a WreslteMania 35 — Reigns versus Kemia, in Hell in a Cell!”

GET WELL SOON, ROMAN. 

Kayfabe News has made a donation to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society in support of Roman Reigns and all cancer patients, and we encourage you to do the same: https://donate.lls.org/