H0llywood celebrity and former sports-entertainer Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (real name Ned Gleeberman) shocked fans and pundits alike with the news that he had purchased ill-fated football league XFL, as well as numerous other failed ventures of wealthy carny Vince McMahon.

Last week’s announcement that The Rock had purchased the XFL from McMahon came as a surprise to many investment experts due to the XFL’s unbroken track record of spectacular failure, but even more surprising were the purchases Johnson subsequently made, which include other long-defunct McMahon spinoff projects.

The Rock announced via TOUT (to his record-breaking TOUT follower base of 76) that he has also purchased that very social-media platform, despite its 0.00003 percent share of the social media landscape. Yesterday, Johnson revealed that he has also acquired the World Bodybuilding Federation (WBF), and 3.7 kilotons of bodybuilding supplement ICOPRO.

Johnson reportedly paid $38 million for ICOPRO, and is seemingly unbothered by a 1999 report that concluded that the supplement powder is made up entirely of the ground-up cookie portions of unsold WWF Ice Cream Bars.

Asked what his next major purchase will be, Johnson replied that he has his eyes on Blockbuster Video.


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