Physicists working at the Large Hadron Collider at the Swiss-French border announced Wednesday that they had discovered the long-sought “Wrestling God Particle,” or the Bradshaw-Layfield Boson.
By creating high-energy collisions of protons in a particle accelerator to investigate dark matter and the creation of the universe, the scientists finally identified the elusive Wrestling God Particle — exactly as theoretically predicted, with a tiny white cowboy hat atop its core energy bundle.
“The collision of particles as near-light-speed created the Bradshaw-Layfield Boson, as well as an accompanying microscopic limousine with teensy horns on the hood,” explained Dr. Cory Russell, chief scientist at CERN.
“Strangely, our measurements indicate that the particle is quite opinionated and arrogant.”
Immediately after it was created, the Bradshaw-Layfield Boson collided violently with another particle in an interaction described as a “quantum-scale clothesline from Hell.”
Contacted by Kayfabe News for comment, Ron Simmons spent several minutes in silent contemplation of the scientific breakthrough, before finally summarizing his opinion with an emphatic “Damn!”