Amid escalating violence, widening cultural divides, and a preposterous carnival of a presidential race, millions of Americans are seeking solace in the relative normalcy and logic of professional wrestling.
“I can’t watch another minute of the insanity on CNN, but that trombone guy in The New Day seems like a lovely fellow,” commented one Minnesota grandmother.
“And although Bray Wyatt may be a little peculiar, he’s a sage scholar and a gentleman compared to Trump.”
Ratings of World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) programming have skyrocketed in recent weeks, apace with the real-life horrors that are turning the United States into a dystopian nightmarish hellscape.
US President and WWE Hall of Famer Donald Trump has urged citizens to “watch as much WWE as possible,” because it is “the only thing that makes sense,” and will “make my presidency seem almost normal.”
According to a recent poll, 87 percent of Americans will only feel secure again if the US presidency is somehow won by Jack Tunney.