Have beach balls sullied the dignified intellectualism of professional wrestling?
Aficionados of professional wrestling are becoming increasingly worried that the intellectual appeal of their beloved highbrow amusement is being corrupted by low-class philistines for whom a bouncing beach ball provides vapid, empty-headed amusement.
At several recent WWE performances, longtime patrons of the grappling arts have been struck agog by unwashed throngs of hooting, knuckle-dragging ninnies in the cheap seats brainlessly batting about inflatable plastic baubles.
“My word!” gasped Lord Reginald Haversham III, a longtime connoisseur of wrestledom, his monocle falling from his eye after being struck by an errant beach ball.
“I expect this kind of tomfoolery at the opera, but not during a performance of Raw!”
Professional wrestling is widely considered the last remaining civilized pastime for society’s upper-crust — offering intellectual stimulation, cultural edification, and ladies-whut-ain’t-got-much-clothes-on — but its status as a bastion of virtuosic artistry is being threatened by its growing popularity among boorish, blue-collar louts.
“If we allow beach balls at professional wrestling exhibitions, what’s next?” asked Haversham. “Will men be allowed to attend without a necktie? Will women be allowed to attend matches? Poppycock!”