Andre-the-giant wrestlemania
Andre the Giant (left, to scale) says he intends to win the 30-man battle royal of which he is the namesake.

Legendary professional wrestler Andre the Giant insists he is ready to participate in — and win — his eponymous battle royal at WrestleMania 30 thanks to the restorative powers of DDP Yoga.

“Never felt better,” Andre said today in his booming French baritone while performing the splits.

“If people think I’m not going to compete in a battle royal with my name on it, they’ve got another thing coming, boss.”

Andre’s return to fighting shape is nothing short of remarkable — and a testament to Diamond Dallas Page’s renowned yoga program — given that the so-called Eighth Wonder of the World passed away more than 20 years ago.

Page, a ceaselessly upbeat fitness fanatic, contacted Andre six months ago, admonishing the Giant for “just rotting away like a big bag of bones.”

Although the progress was slow at first, Andre quickly lost weight, regained mobility and, most importantly, reversed the deleterious effects of not being alive.

Andre is said to be in the best shape of his career, and intends to show off a new move in his arsenal during the battle royal: a split-legged moonsault.

Although Page is proud to have helped the Giant get back in shape, he said it was “a cakewalk compared to cleaning up Scott (Hall) and Jake (Roberts).”


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