Elusive wrestler CM Punk, who has been absent from World Wrestling Entertainment for months, has re-signed with the company and will compete at the upcoming WrestleMania event, according to some random guy on the internet.
Punk is “100 percent confirmed” to perform at the April 6 pay-per-view spectacular, according to the guy, who goes by the screen name VoicelessVoice69 in an online professional wrestling forum.
Although no official confirmation has come from Punk or World Wrestling Entertainment, the random guy on the internet, who has nearly 100 followers on Twitter, insists he got the shocking news “from a totally reliable source who works at a Subway where Punk eats sometimes.”
Naturally, wrestling news websites — known affectionately as “dirtsheets” — have latched onto the shocking revelation, and word of Punk’s impending return is spreading like wildfire.
WWE’s lack of public statement on the subject is widely suspected to be “a work” — a deliberate subterfuge by the company in order to build suspense about Punk’s “surprise” appearance at the April 6 event.
A handful of skeptical fans have cast doubt on the credibility of random guys on the internet, however, insisting that unsubstantiated gossip should not be treated as fact.
But the news about Punk’s imminent return is indeed “guaran-damn-teed,” according to a corroborating report from a random guy standing at a sports bar urinal.