Wrestlemania fans
Wrestling fans hold signs that represent their orgasmic reaction to seeing greased up musclemen tussle.

Approximately 80,000 people from every corner of the globe are descending upon northern California this weekend to watch a physical spectacle in which fully shaven, scantily clad musclemen will entwine their glistening oiled bodies.

Over the course of four hours Sunday evening, spectators will cheer and boo at a cavalcade of sweat-drenched behemoths clasping and tugging and squeezing various parts of each other’s smooth bodies.

Many fans are looking forward to seeing Brock Lesnar — a bear of a man with a phallus tattooed on his chest — tussle with Roman Reigns, who has the prettiest blue eyes.

Others are eagerly awaiting the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal, which will see 30 nearly-nude men writhe in a spectacle of Dionysian excess.

Perplexingly, the vast majority of ticketholders to this orgiastic display are heterosexual men.