Despite widespread complaints that the recent Punjabi Prison match was difficult to watch for fans in attendance at WWE Battleground, WWE has responded with a proverbial middle finger by introducing the “Hell in an Opaque Black Box” match. 

“You thought the Punjabi Prison match was tough to watch?” snarled WWE Chairman Vince McMahon at a press conference this morning. “You ain’t seen nothing yet.”

Added McMahon: “We won’t even have cameras inside the opaque black box for the fans at home. How ya like them apples?”

According to a press release, WWE will debut “Hell in an Opaque Black Box” at WrestleMania 34, where 70,000 fans at the New Orleans Superdome will be forced to stare at monolithic structure and await the announcement of a winner. 

According to backstage sources, it will still be more entertaining than the Punjabi Prison.