Although two decades have passed since he fell victim to a hex cast by voodoo witch doctor Papa Shango, The Ultimate Warrior still suffers mild bouts of curse-related nausea.
“It was a powerful curse, summoned from the bowels of purgatory,” snarled the Warrior, clutching a plastic pail he always keeps handy in case he needs to vomit.
“But I draw strength and power from all my little Warriors, who [gurgling, gagging noises] — oh God [cough], here we go again.”
While the medical establishment officially denies the existence of curses, doctors are baffled by the persistent nausea that has plagued Warrior since 1992.
“We have run exhaustive tests on Mr. Warrior, but they have come back inconclusive,” said WWE medic Dr. Bob Ponovich.
“My hunch is that he is suffering the ill-effects of using lead-based face paint for so many years.”
Kayfabe News attempted to reach Papa Shango for comment, but calls were redirected to an adult escort service called “The Ho Train.”