Donald J. Trump, president-elect of the United States, dropped another one of his trademark bombshells today, admitting that he portrayed masked professional wrestler Mr. America in 2003.
“It was me,” Trump told reporters this morning at the White House, where he was supervising the installation of a solid-gold hot tub in the Oval Office. “It was me all along. Bigly me, brother. Bigly.”
Although the vast majority of wrestling fans assumed that Mr. America was portrayed by a disguised Hulk Hogan, Trump said he merely wore a fake fu-manchu moustache and let his blond comb-over hang out from the back of his Mr. America mask.
“Come to think of it, I never did see Mr. America and Donald in the same room together,” mused Vince McMahon, who used his vast wealth and evil cunning to rig the recent American election.
With hindsight, Trump’s revelation makes perfect sense: the bright-orange skin, the bombastic personality, the cartoonish patriotism — “It’s remarkable that nobody figured it out before,” Trump said.