Hillary Clinton WWE general manager
Clinton (right, beardless) says her new adversary at least has the human qualities of reason and candour, which her previous opponent lacked.

On the heels of a crushing defeat for the American presidency — despite amassing hundreds of thousands more votes than her opponent — Hillary Clinton announced this morning that she will vie for the more attainable position of General Manager of WWE Monday Night Raw.

At a press conference this morning, Clinton said “the WWE Universe is fed up with the jacked-up trickle-down thuganomics” that has dominated sports-entertainment policymaking under Mick Foley’s general managership.

Clinton said the “Foley regime” has run its course, and that WWE’s flagship program cannot be left in the hands of a hardcore legend whose idea of businesswear is black sweatpants.

“Mr. Foley is not listening to his constituents,” Clinton added. “How can he listen with only one ear?”

Foley, who was vocal in his support of Clinton before the presidential election, launched a vicious counter-attack on Twitter, insisting Clinton “will not have a nice day when she loses another race.”

Clinton was quick to respond with a tweet of her own: “When they go socko, we go high.”