Popular sports-entertainment personality Mitch the Plant has been “written off” WWE programming with an ostensible injury, but leaked documents reveal the leafy ficus is serving a 60-day suspension after testing positive for performance-enhancing fertilizers.
Mitch’s onscreen “injury” — a devastating collision with the back of Dean Ambrose’s head — appears to be just a cover-up for something more insidious: a violation of the company’s strict Organic Wellness Policy.
According to the leaked documents, a random test of Mitch’s chlorophyll revealed elevated levels of Miracle-Gro and other banned photosynthesis-enhancers, as well as powerful Monsanto-brand pesticides.
Mitch’s caregiver and best friend, Dean Ambrose, insists all the fertilizers and pesticides found in Mitch’s system were legally prescribed by a licensed horticulturalist.
Backstage rumors suggest that, upon his return from suspension, Mitch will engage in a long feud with Ryback.