An elderly liquor store clerk who was shot point-blank in the skull during a robbery Saturday has awoken from a coma to discover that he is suddenly a huge fan of The Rock.
The shooting was the most recent in a series of unfortunate mishaps for 77-year-old Tom Dotterer, who was shot in the eye during a robbery two weeks ago.
An avid wrestling fan, Dotterer shrugged off the first shooting, telling reporters that the worst part of his week was actually seeing The Rock beat CM Punk at WWE’s Royal Rumble event.
The more recent shooting, however, was much more serious, causing irreparable brain damage that has apparently turned Dotterer into an enthusiastic fan of The Rock.
“Mr. Dotterer suffered extensive damage to the prefrontal cortex of the brain, which is responsible for critical thinking, reason and humor,” said neurosurgeon Dr. Bob Ponovich.
“We tried our best in surgery, but Mr. Dotterer has suffered the type of permanent brain damage often associated with people who enjoy the inane banter and singing of The Rock.”
The first sign of serious brain damage was that Dotterer laughed uproariously when he heard the phrases “Twinkie tits” and “Cookie Puss.”