Brock Lesnar has bowed-out of his much-hyped return to the UFC Octagon, telling reporters he has finally come to the conclusion that “physical violence is never the answer.”
Lesnar’s 11th-hour forfeit has shocked fans of both pro wrestling and mixed martial arts, given Lesnar’s fearsome reputation as a remorseless shrieking barbarian.
“I just don’t want to fight anymore,” a teary-eyed Lesnar told a press conference this morning. “I don’t want to hurt Mark Hunt — he’s a nice guy! Heck, I don’t want to hurt anyone.”
Lesnar said his new pacifist outlook is the result of daily meditation, yoga, Buddhism, and “a general sense that the world is already too full of anger and violence.”
He says he will never kick, punch or suplex another living thing for the rest of his life, and will instead devote his energy to encouraging youth to resolve conflicts through debate, reason, and compromise.
Lesnar will soon begin a motivational speaking tour called “Constructive Dialogue City, Friend.”