American President-Elect Donald Trump has dismissed as “preposterous” the allegations, revealed in a controversial and unverified set of intelligence reports published today by BuzzFeed, that he is a “bigly fan” of WWE tag team Golden Truth.
“That’s fake news,” Trump bellowed from a solid-gold podium at a press conference this morning. “So fake. I’ve never even liked R-Truth.”
If true, the leaked documents are damning indictments of unethical — perhaps even perverse — behavior of the man who will soon hold the country’s highest office.
Among the other allegations in the leaked dossier:
- The Trump campaign was secretly influenced by ravishing Russian Lana
- The Trump Foundation accepted millions in donations from nefarious millionaire Ted DiBiase
- Trump and friend Vince McMahon repeatedly coerced Trish Stratus to bark like a dog
- Trump repeatedly bragged about groping women, including telling Jerry Lawler that he like to “grab them by the puppies”
Although the legitimacy of the dossier has not been confirmed, some pundits have pointed out Trump’s penchant for gold and the fact that he is frequently heard rapping R-Truth’s hit single, What’s Up?