In keeping with the times, WWE turns all male talent heel
Given the recent string of revelations that practically every man in the entertainment industry is a lecherous sexual predator, World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) announced today that all male talent will become bad guys, or “turn heel.”
In a press release issued today from the company’s Stamford headquarters, WWE Chairman Vince McMahon said: “Sports-entertainment has always been a reflection of society at large, so from this point forward all male WWE talent will presumed to be power-drunk sexual slimeballs.”
Added McMahon: “Quite frankly, I once forced Trish Stratus to bark like a dog, so I guess I’m a heel too, quite frankly.”
A slew of male celebrities — Harvey Weinstein, Louis C.K., Steven Seagal, and WWE Hall of Famer Donald Trump — have been exposed in recent months for having used their celebrity status and power to coerce women into sexual predicaments.
A number of male performers in WWE are suspected of crude sexual misconduct, including:
- Billy Gunn, an self-described “ass man” who has admitted that he loves to love ’em, loves to love ’em, and loves to pick ’em (among other ass-related actions)
- Shawn Michaels, a “boy toy” who admits to making ’em shiver, and making their knees weak whenever he’s around.
- Ric Flair, an alleged kiss stealer
- The members of DX, who have repeatedly demanded fellatio by shouting “Suck it!”
- Mark Henry, who is accused of seducing octogenarians who lack the mental capacity to resist
- Kurt Angle, who has fathered illegitimate children with at least one woman, presumably hundreds more
- Bobby Roode, who has repeatedly expressed his fetish for women named Gloria