Thanks to the soaring, unanimous popularity of Raw Underground, in which large men brawl in a ropeless ring, WWE is eliminating all ropes, effective immediately.
“Quite frankly, ring ropes are old fashioned and, quite frankly, passe,” said company chairman Vincenzo McMahon, whose son (Shane, not Hornswoggle) runs the elicit fight club and fetish dungeon.
Shane McMahon launched Rae Underground after his new best friend Tyler said “I want you to sports-entertain me as hard as you can.”
WWE’s notable high-flyers, like Rick O’Shea and Keith Lee, may struggle to adapt to a ring with no rope structures from which to improbably leap and bounce.
The decision to de-ropify WWE rings was underlined last week when a gang of masked little people chainsawed the ropes of a Smackdown ring.
The absence of ropes will come as a relief to Dominick Mysterio, who found himself utterly incapable of freeing himself when entangled in ropes this week — a task so difficult that even Andre the Giant never mastered it.