For decades, professional wrestling has required its viewership to temporarily suspend disbelief to enjoy the preposterous spectacle of spandex-clad characters performing simple morality plays in athletic exhibitions of implausible simulated combat.

But given that WWE’s sports-entertainers must now either showboat to an audience of no one, or perform in b-movie cinematic vignettes like the battle between The Undertaker and AJ Styles in a “Halloween Hootenanny” match, the permanent suspension of disbelief is recommended for all wrestling fans starting immediately. 

“Quite frankly,” said WWE boss Vince McMahon in a conference call this morning, “fans may want to turn off disbelief all together. Quite frankly, reality isn’t very nice right now, quite frankly.”

Tonight’s instalment of WrestleMania is expected to feature a sequel the iconic WCW Beach Party, a match pitting Braun Strowman against Optimus Prime, and the long-awaited rematch Cesaro vs. a blue whale.