wrestling chants
Tyler Quinn (mouth open, arm raised) shouts rhythmic monosyllabic utterances.

Speech pathologists are baffled by the case of Tyler Quinn, a 31-year-old man who, after years of avid fandom of professional wrestling, has lost the ability to communicate with others via any means other than rhythmic, repetitive chanting.

According to Quinn’s parents, from whose basement he recently emerged after a seven-week “marathon” of watching the WWE Network, his once-fulsome vocabulary has been reduced to monosyllabic hollers.

“It’s heartbreaking to see,” said his mother, Gladys. “He’ll shout something, then clap five times — the first two claps slow, then next three in quick succession. Just this morning he screamed ‘make my break-fast’ and then did those claps, again and again.”

Asked by doctors if he could explain his condition, Quinn seemed not to understand the question, replying only: “What?!”

Then he hollered the word again and again, smiling each time, as if he mistakenly believed his utterance was somehow clever or not annoying.

On some occasions, Quinn seems to get trapped in a Tourette’s-like episode, his opinion on WWE star John Cena oscillating between positive and negative with hollers of “Let’s go Cena” and “Cena sucks.”

Though Quinn’s condition is rare, it is related to a similar affliction which makes know-it-all smarks incapable of communicating in anything but wrestling jargon.

Though Quinn seemed at first to be enjoying his chants, he is now clearly exhausted and feeling unable to cope with his affliction.

Lately, he has begun hoarsely hollering: “Please God kill me, (clap-clap-clapclapclap).”