rock is cooking
Some jabronis have been forced to quarantine at the Smackdown Hotel.

Patients battling coronavirus infections have reporting a new and unexpected side-effect of the illness: a complete loss of the ability to smell what The Rock is cooking. 

Doctors estimate that one in every 500 jabronis is likely to lose the ability to smell strudel, kung pao chicken, or smellllllellelelelelelowww anything else that professional wrestler Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson may be cooking.

Johnson is, of course, co-owner of pharmaceutical giant Johnson & Johnson (alongside business partner Magic Johnson), and he has vowed that his company’s vaccine will remedy the side-effect. 

“Know your role, shut your mouth, and roll up your sleeve,” said Johnson in a statement. “The nurse will take that vaccination needle, turn that sumbitch sideways, and stick it straight into your candy arm.”

The Johnson & Johnson vaccine, however, is said to have some side-effects of its own. Among the millions to receive a dose of the vaccine, six reported a sudden inability to raise just one eyebrow. 

Reporters asked prominent virologist Dr. Antony Fauxi if he thought the side-effects warranted a pause on vaccine distribution, but his explanation was quickly interrupted by Johnson insisting that it doesn’t matter what Fauxi thinks. 

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