triple h finalThe world of professional wrestling is abuzz today after WWE Chief Operating Officer Hunter Hearst Helmsley (Triple H) announced a tournament to crown the inaugural WWE Uzbekistan Championship.

The tournament will be held this January in the country’s capital city of Tashkent, where a rabid WWE fanbase of roughly 78 enthusiasts will cheer for their hometown hero, Artur “The Peasant” Taymazov.

Helmsley made the announcement just hours after unveiling WWE’s United Kingdom Championship, which will be won by Jack Gallagher if there is a God.

The tournament will finally settle a longstanding debate among Uzbekistani wrestling fans over who is the superior grappler: Shavkat ‘The Stone” Mirozkev or Karimov “Hip Hop Thug Soldier Word Life” Cenavolotz.

At today’s press conference, Triple H said fans of “this business” have been clamoring to see the up-and-coming talent of the Uzbekistani independent wrestling scene, who also happen to be the country’s most impoverished uranium miners.

The press conference was capped off by WWE superstar John Cena, who delivered a message in fluent Uzbek: “Champ hurmat nayrang sadoqat erdaikki amalga kick” (literally: “”The champ hustles respect loyally, kick out for two!”).