Olympic committee drops wrestling
Would-be Olympic wrestlers plead for a job with World Wrestling Entertainment.

Following today’s announcement that Greco-Roman wrestling will not be part of the 2020 Olympic Games, thousands of would-be Olympic wrestlers have stormed WWE headquarters in Connecticut looking for work.

Many of the disillusioned young athletes have begun buying flamboyant spandex outfits and hair dye, while countless others have flooded into tattoo shops seeking “tribal” designs.

“I’ve been working my whole life to get to the Olympics,” said Steve Menderchuck, a 21-year-old Nebraskan with a stellar NCAA wrestling record.

“But now I guess I’ll spray on a tan and practice shouting. I think I’ll call myself Menace.”

Kurt Angle’s phone has been ringing off the hook, as many young wrestlers hope to emulate his transition from Olympic wrestling to professional wrestling.

Angle, meanwhile, recently announced his intention to compete in the pole vault at the 2044 Olympics.