sting wrestlemania
Sting (left) prepares to battle Grado for the ICW European Championship (Grado won the match).

In preparation for his much-hyped WrestleMania match against Hunter Hearst Helmsley, legendary professional wrestler Sting has been honing his skills for months in armories and high-school gymnasiums on the independent (or “indy”) wrestling circuit.

Just last night, Sting teamed with “Cruel” Cody McGuire to capture the Des Moines Wrestling Alliance (DMWA) tag-team championships from Surfin’ Tony and Greg Valentine.

Several weeks ago, Sting shocked fans of Cleveland’s AIW promotion by descending 15 feet from the rafters of Our Lady of Mount Carmel School and attacking “Handicapped Hero” Gregory Iron with his trademark baseball bat.

The enigmatic former WCW Champion is reportedly trying to “shake off the ring rust,” after more than a decade away from the squared circle.

Although some fans insist Sting actually enjoyed a long tenure in an organization called Total Non-Stop Action (TNA) Wrestling, no official confirmation of this rumor can be found in any promotional materials WWE has created for WrestleMania.

Many fans believe Sting will defeat Helmsley at Levi’s Stadium in California next Sunday, but only if he can survive his no-rope-barbed-wire-thumbtack match against Necro Butcher during an IWA-Mid South deathmatch tournament the night before in rural Kentucky.