If you’ve been paying any attention to the news lately (it’s like the pre-show of a pay-per-view, but about unimportant stuff like geopolitical instability and the looming threat of thermonuclear armageddon), you’ve probably come across the term “net neutrality.”
If you’re a wrestling fan, you may be confused by this complicated subject, because it does not lend itself to being expressed via chant (“Let’s go net neutrality! Net neutrality sucks!” See?).
But since it is a topic with important implications for everyone — it may affect your ability to easily search the internet for “Cesaro teeth gif,” for instance — we’ve put together this handy primer.
Net neutrality is the principle that internet service providers (think of them as “promotions” like WWE, Ring of Honor, or Global Nonstop Anthem Impact Total Action Force Wrestling) should treat all online content equally, not giving a preferential “push” to certain content and “burying” other content.
In simpler terms, net neutrality means that, on the internet, one should not have to pay more to see certain web content (say, a saucy video of a certain British wrestling minx traipsing about in skimpy undergarments) over other web content (say, a saucy video of a certain monster among men traipsing around in skimpy undergarments).
Net neutrality rules were championed by former US President Barack Obama — who, despite what a certain pathologically dishonest WWE Hall of Famer insisted, was not born in Africa (although Akeem most definitely was).
The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) — which is basically the Right to Censor, but with government backing and less-annoying entrance music — will vote on Dec. 14 (birthday of Johnny from the Spirit Squad) whether to rescind the Obama’s net neutrality regulations.
FCC Chairman Ajit Pai — who is basically the Vince McMahon of telecommunications but more evil, less clever, and with fewer in-ring victories over God — wants to overturn neutrality regulations, like the time Jack Tunney overturned the Rockers’ victory over the Hart Foundation because the ring ropes broke.
Most sensible people think of Pai’s proposal as an epic heel turn, and are hoping that real Americans will take a stand, not let it slide, and fight for the rights of every man who doesn’t want internet porn to load slowly.
Critics of the proposed changes say it will lead to the “cable-ization” of the internet, which means your favourite internet content might become as hard to find as TNA was on POP TV.