tna global impactIn the latest in a series of mergers, acquisitions and brand-mashups, it was announced today that a Nashville-based wrestling company will henceforth be known as Global Impact Total Action Force Nonstop Wrestling Anthem Xplosion. 

The new name reflects a revamped ownership structure shared between multiple stakeholders: Jeff Jarrett (27 percent), Billy Corgan (31 percent), Jim Cornette (110 percent, he insists, but this seems dubious), an Owl (7 percent), and Scott Steiner (66 and 2/3rds percent). 

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Tapings of Global Impact Total Action Force Nonstop Wrestling Anthem Xplosion will be held in a Florida soundstage on the third Sunday following each full moon, then broadcast thrice-fortnightly on ZOINK TV, a network whose existence we are unable to confirm. 

Fans of professional wrestling have long been bewildered by the ongoing saga of what began as NWA-TNA, which itself was pretty damn confusing when you think about it. 

Some fans are already complaining that the new name of the promotion is too long and unwieldy to remember. In response, co-owner Scott Steiner issued a statement declaring that Global Impact Total Force Nonstop Wrestling Anthem Xplosion can be remembered with a handy acronym, “GIT-A-F’N-WAX” (which is also Steiner’s grooming mantra).