Hollywood is reeling today with the unprecedented news that a film released by renowned production house WWE Studios has received a number of negative reviews.
No One Lives, a shock-horror film co-starring WWE superstar Brodus “The Funkasaurus” Clay, has somehow failed to capture the affections of film critics.
This comes as a surprise to executives at WWE Studios, who are accustomed to their films earning glowing reviews, award nominations and unanimous acclaim from moviegoers.
Such reviews are in stark contrast to those written about other WWE Studios films, such as Knucklehead (“a masterpiece of unparalleled insight”), See No Evil (“a modern-day Citizen Kane”) and The Chaperone (“the defining artistic moment of our era”).
“We don’t know what went wrong with No One Lives,” said Stephen DeGroot, Executive Vice-President of WWE Studios. “We assumed No One Lives was a definite Oscar contender, but the negative reviews are very puzzling indeed.”
DeGroot said reviews will “undoubtedly be much more favorable” for WWE Studios’ next film: The Marine 4, starring Hornswoggle in the title role.