Michael Hayes hall of fame
Michael P.S. Hayes is expected to first mention Jim Crockett Promotions sometime Tuesday afternoon, and the Dok Hendrix character by noon Wednesday. 

Due to his fondness for oration, former professional wrestler Michael P.S. Hayes has begun his WWE Hall of Fame induction speech on behalf of The Fabulous Freebirds, and will likely finish by the middle of next week.

“I remember working for promoter Otto Wanz in Germany,” Hayes began at nine o’clock this morning.

“No,” he added. “Let me start earlier: back in the territory days…”

Hayes’ Hall of Fame speech is expected to be even longer than Ric Flair’s (during which he described the failure of 13 marriages), with more meandering non-sequiturs than Larry Zyzbzybszyzko’s.

Hayes, wearing a fluorescent purple-and-yellow striped suit with peacock feathers and glow-in-the-dark tassels, is expected to describe the rise and fall World Class Championship Wrestling in real time.

Most people believe his “P.S.” nickname stands for “Purely Sexy,” but this is a fallacy; the nickname actually refers to the fact that he’s always got at least one more thing to say.