WWE Tout
Michael Cole’s replacement can utter the phrase “longest-running weekly episodic program in television history” more than one billion times per second.

Professional wrestling commentator Michael Cole was terminated by WWE this week and replaced by a robot that can spew inane drivel about social media at a much faster and cheaper rate.

The RoboTwit-7000 will sit at the commentary table and, at a pace unrivalled by any human, will utter incessant comments about Tout, Twitter Facebook, hashtags and the like.

The robot will also frequently harass viewers to download the WWE smartphone app for “exclusive” (but not technically exclusive) content.

Whereas Cole could only mention such things about seven times every minute — still far too often, if you ask most wrestling fans — the RoboTwit-7000 will be capable of billions of such utterances per second.

Although WWE has been criticized in the past for redundant and annoying on-air mentions of social media interaction (and comparatively little wrestling), chairman Vince McMahon is undeterred.

McMahon reportedly hopes to remove all actual wrestling from WWE programming by 2014, and intends to focus instead on the continued production of unwatchably bad movies.