xfl mcmahon
Vince McMahon says the debut of the new XFL will feature the Stamford Impalers (left) against the Parts Unknown Spinkickers (right)

Sports-entertainment impresario Vince McMahon issued a rare public apology for being “inadvertently unclear” about the focus of his rebooted XFL, which will not be devoted to football, as many had assumed, but rather foosball.

“Quite frankly, I would never attempt to start a pro football league again, quite frankly,” said McMahon in a pre-recorded message from the rec-room of his Connecticut mansion, surrounded by foosball tables.

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“We are going to take foosball [dramatic pause] to the extreme!”

Foosball — also known as “table soccer” or “mini football” or “spinning men impaled on skewers” — has long been a popular family pastime among the McMahon clan; Jess McMahon (Vince’s grandfather) played foosball in the Olympics, and Shane McMahon went to Harvard on a full-ride foosball scholarship.

McMahon’s ill-fated foray into football with the XFL, on the other hand, was a disaster of tragicomic proportions that no sane businessman would ever dare to repeat.