Bella twins
This week’s Raw will feature nothing but Nikki Bella badmouthing her sister.

A script for this week’s episode of WWE Raw, leaked earlier today on Reddit, reveals that the entire three-hour sports entertainment program will feature nothing but Nikki Bella tattling on her twin sister Brie for past indiscretions.

The one-page document — substantially shorter and less detailed than previously leaked Raw scripts — reads as follows:

Monday Night Raw Episode #1109, Bellapocalypse

  • 8 pm ET: Show open, cue pyro, Cole plugs WWE App and Network, Lawler smiles quietly in ugly t-shirt
  • 8:01 pm ET: CUE GROWING UP BELLA PRE-TAPE SEGMENT: Nikki complains about Brie. Commercial. Nikki complains about Brie. Commercial. Nikki complains about Brie. Commercial. Nikki complains about Brie. Commercial. Nikki complains about Brie. Commercial. Nikki complains about Brie. Commercial. Nikki complains about Brie. Commercial. Nikki complains about Brie. Commercial.
  • 10:59 pm ET: Cole plugs App & Network, fade to black.

At the bottom of the scanned document is a hand-scrawled note, rumored to be in the handwriting of WWE Chairman Vince McMahon’s, that reads: “That’s gonna put some butts in seats!”

Once the cameras stop broadcasting Raw to its television audience, the live crowd in Baltimore will get a special non-televised bonus, in which Nikki Bella will saunter to the ring, grab the microphone, and complain about Brie for 20 extra minutes.

Industry pundits believe that Raw’s writers were encouraged by the unanimous popularity of the “Growing Up Bella” segments on last week’s Raw, which drew the highest ratings since Mankind won the WWF Heavyweight Championship in 1999.

Although tonight’s episode of Raw will contain no actual wrestling matches, few fans are expected to notice.