Maddox fired
A crowd gathers in an impromptu vigil to remember the greatest sports-entertainer who ever lived.

The people of Earth united as one today — putting aside divisions of race and colour and religion — in a collective day of mourning as news spread that World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) had released Brad Maddox.

During his illustrious WWE tenure, Maddox was a hero to billions, serving as a beacon of hope in an otherwise cruel and oppressive world.

In major urban centers, citizens gathered in public squares to unite hands by candlelight and sing, in tribute to Maddox’s unrivalled career, “Leave the Memories Alone.”

In his countless main-event triumphs in WWE — toppling The Rock, Steve Austin, and even conquering The Undertaker’s legendary streak — Maddox inspired people everywhere with his indomitable spirit.

Longtime wrestling pundit Dave Meltzer predicts WWE “won’t last a week” without its top star.

The reasons behind Maddox’s release remain unclear, but he is rumored to be training with NASA to singlehandedly avert the apocalypse by dropkicking an asteroid off its collision-course with Earth.