In keeping with a McMahon family tradition, a plump Gobbledy Gooker was ritualistically slaughtered today in preparation for the weekend’s Thanksgiving feast.
Family patriarch Vince McMahon gathered wife Linda and their two grown offspring, Shane and Stephanie, around a gothic altar in the family’s Connecticut mansion.
A Gobbledy Gooker — a large, rare, flightless subspecies of poultry that walks on two legs with a human-like gait — was then positioned on the altar, its head held by Shane McMahon on a chopping block.
The family then uttered in unison the ceremonial incantation: “Hatched at Survivor Series 1990, hatcheted tonight, for the greater good. Best for business. Hail Satan. Amen.”
Vince McMahon then swung a ceremonial sword (once belonging to The Berzerker) and beheaded the strange fowl, which then ran in circles for several moments to “sell” the fatal blow.
This weekend, the McMahon family will pluck, stuff, broil and baste the bird, and then give thanks that the Gobbledy Gooker is gone for another year.
Meanwhile, at the T family household, Booker shucked a duck before roasting it for a nice dinner with live-in brother Stevie Ray.