hogan gooker
A cartoonish caricature from wrestling’s sillier days (right), and the Gobbledy Gooker (left).

Former professional wrestler Hulk Hogan bashfully confessed this morning that he had intended to file a lawsuit not against online media giant Gawker, but rather against flamboyant humanoid turkey The Gobbledy Gooker.

“Well let me tell you something, brother,” Hogan told reporters at a press conference in the Gooker’s home state of Parts Unknown.

“I goofed. My bad, dude.”

Hogan explained that he has always had a grudge against the Gobbledy Gooker, because the creature’s hatching from an oversized egg in 1990 made pro wrestling “look silly.”

“The night that stupid thing hatched, dude, I led The Hulkamaniacs to victory against The Warriors,” Hogan said, referring to the Survivor Series main event.

“But nobody remembers my match, Jack, because some clucking fool flapped around the arena that night, dudejackbrother.”

Hogan says he regrets filing the ruinous lawsuit against Gawker, since the site has long been his go-to source for gossip about his favorite celebrity, himself.