elias wwe guitar
Elias nervously prepares to play his most ambitious song yet, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

Fledgling singer-songwriter and occasional professional wrestler Elias [SURNAME REDACTED] reached another career milestone today when, during his weekly guitar lesson, he learned a fourth chord.

After several frustrating hours of dissonant strumming and hand cramps, Elias finally struck a G-chord, bringing more tonal possibilities to his musical repertoire.

His mother, Delores [SURNAME REDACTED], said she is “so proud” of her “little strummer boy,” and is looking forward to his recital at church this Sunday.

On WWE programming in recent weeks, Elias has bravely sat upon a stool with a guitar on his lap, but nervously stalled by talking to the audience instead of playing — apparently self-conscious about his rudimentary skill level.

If he learns just a couple more chords, however, he’ll be ready to entertain the crowd with a rendition of Polly Wolly Doodle. 

Sadly, his vocal lessons aren’t going nearly as well, and he remains utterly tone-deaf.



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