With a trail of championships and broken bodies in his wake, professional wrestler and former UFC champion Brock Lesnar announced today he will now pursue his ultimate career goal: dominance in the Women’s National Basketball League (WNBA).
In a prepared statement read at a press conference this morning by his advocate, Paul Heyman, Lesnar said “WWE and UFC were just stopovers on my journey toward my true dream, women’s basketball.”
Though often portrayed as an unthinking, sociopathic brute, Lesnar is actually an astute scholar of women’s issues, particularly pertaining to professional sports, and recently completed his PhD in postmodern feminist literary criticism.
Lesnar reportedly impressed scouts during recent tryouts for his hometown team, the Minnesota Lynx, and is expected to play point guard alongside Jennifer O’Neill.
Many fans of World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) were caught off guard by Lesnar’s abrupt decision, since Lesnar recently destroyed an expensive car on live television for some reason, and wrestling fans tend to enjoy that kind of nonsensical wanton destruction.
Most fans, however, aren’t terribly upset by the news, since they only expected to see Lesnar wrestle once over the next several years anyway.
Approached for comment by reporters, Lesnar merely issued a brief warning to his upcoming opponents on the WNBA courts: “Slam Dunk City, bitches.”