CM Punk returnAfter vowing he would never return to professional sports-entertaining, CM Punk (real name Cedric Malcolm Punkë) appeared on WWE programming this week, causing thousands of fans to accuse him of “selling out” during angry rants tapped out on the devices given to them by their parents.

“Punk is such a sellout,” one 27-year-old unemployed man tweeted from his new iPhone (a gift from his father for doing the dishes for a month). The tweet was delivered to man’s 73 followers thanks to the wifi the man was stealing from a neighbour with an easy-t0-guess password.

Added the fan: “Punk is nothing but a quieter,” by which he presumably meant “quitter.”

Social media was flooded with similar condemnations from basement bedrooms around the world, with some fans going so far as to use the hashtag #BoycottWWENetwork — a hashtag that has trended in the past, but resulted in precisely zero cancelled subscriptions to the WWE Network.

Many of the angry voices online are calling Punk a “hypocrite” for returning to WWE after a long and fractious absence, although the same fans did not seem so angry about the post-fractious-absence returns of Bret Hart, Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, Paul Heyman, Kurt Angle, Christian, Sasha Banks, Luke Harper, Ric Flair, The Dudley Boyz, Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, and an estimated 184 other surprise returnees.

We will stay on this story as it continues to get more annoying.


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