Following his recent defeat at WWE’s Hell in a Cell event, professional wrestler John Cena has embarked on a two-month hiatus to finally complete and defend his overdue doctoral dissertation on thuganomics.
Though he has long billed himself as a Doctor of Thuganomics, leaked transcripts have revealed he never actually completed his PhD, since the allure of WWE superstardom drew him away from his Harvard studies in basic thuganomics.
Cena’s hectic travel and performance schedule over the past decade has left Cena with precious little time to work on his dissertation on third-world socio-thuganomic hegemony.
He has never publicly acknowledged his incomplete doctorate, since dropping out of school is in direct contradiction to his “Never Give Up” ethos.
Sources close to Cena say the wrestler takes comfort in knowing that Slick never completed his doctorate of style, and Steve Williams only obtained a master’s degree in death.