Professional sports-entertainer John Cena was reportedly livid today when, after weeks of goading the Undertaker into a WrestleMania showdown, the legendary Deadman was instead revealed as the mystery partner of Braun Strowman.
“Seriously?!” Cena bellowed upon reading the news, hurling a small towel bearing the slogan “Never Give Up” into a trash can. “I give up!”
An infuriated Cena then reportedly tore a path of destruction through the loading dock of the New Orleans Superdome, pounding his fists on a tour bus and throwing a metal barricade in a scene one witness described as “McGregor-esque.”
The identity of Strowman’s mystery tag partner has been the subject of much speculation over the past several weeks, with leading candidates including:
- Bobby Lashley
- Big Cass
- Samoa Joe
- Brains Strowman
The revelation that the Undertaker will team with Strowman is a classic “swerve” that seems to confirm another rumor: the re-hiring of Vince Russo as WWE’s head writer.