AJ lee quits
AJ Lee has signed with UFC to compete in the zero-to-eight-pound weight class.

Almost immediately after announcing her retirement from World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE), AJ Lee announced on Twitter today that she has signed with Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) to compete in the nothingweight division.

Lee, who is on the brink of not existing at all, is the perfect size for the weight class, in which female fighters under eight pounds vie for supremacy and try not to get swept up in slight breezes.

Lee’s departure from WWE and signing with UFC follows in the footsteps of her husband, CM Punk, who will be fighting in the super-heavyweight-ego division.

Punk and Lee are expected to become the “power couple” of UFC by mid-summer, at which point they will abruptly “walk out” of UFC and announce their signing to the International Badminton Championships.

Though Lee’s first UFC opponent has yet to be announced, it is believed she will square off against an untethered helium balloon, an ornery blade of grass, or  “Colicky” Colleen Quinn (a four-week-old newborn with impressive baby-jiu-jitsu skills).

Lee could not be reached for comment because she accidentally got swept down the drain of her bathtub this morning.