Following his triumphant return to the UFC Octagon, Brock Lesnar urged all nationalities to “stand together” — and citizens of the world, unwilling to disobey the fearsome beast, nervously complied.

During a post-match interview, Lesnar made an empassioned plea — “from one white boy to all nationalities” — to end hatred based on race, religion, creed, or ethnicity.

“We’ve got to stand together, people,” said Lesnar.

Fearing the repercussions of not obeying Lesnar’s order, warring factions worldwide called ceasefires, racism vanished, religions agreed to disagree, and both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton withdrew from the US presidential race.

“When Brock Lesnar tells you to do something, you do it,” said Mogens Lykketoft, President of the United Nations General Assembly. “No questions asked.”

According to backstage rumors, Lesnar is expected to appear on WWE Raw this week to end world hunger by demanding that food be made available to everyone.


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