Quixotic professional wrestler Bray Wyatt was rushed to an undisclosed medical center this morning after reportedly eating a world that had not been properly prepared.
Wyatt is reported to be in “stable but weird” condition, fully conscious but babbling incoherently about deception, idolatry, and something about “the itty bitty babies.”
Wyatt is an self-described “world foodie,” and has frequently bragged on World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) programming about his penchant for eating a variety of worlds, both real and imagined.
Medical experts believe that, in one particularly gluttonous feast on worlds, he gobbled one that was still pink in the middle.
His condition was reportedly very dire when he arrived at the hospital, as several buzzards were circling ominously overhead. One hospital employee said he was “projectile vomiting like Stephanie McMahon, but thankfully not on live television, because that would be gross and stupid.”
Asked by reporters whether Wyatt is expected to make a full recovery, family member Luke Harper responded positively: “Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah.”