Some familiar faces will be in the front row of WWE Raw tonight, live and in the flesh, when the so-called “ringside regulars” reclaim their rightful positions opposite the hard camera. 

The re-location of WWE events to the ThunderDome has meant that the ringside regulars — Long-haired Simon (a.k.a. Peter Steele) & Mom, Brock Lesnar Guy, Green Shirt Guy, Frank the Clown — have not been able to sit in “their” seats during WWE broadcasts. 

But the mysteriously wealthy vagabonds will return tonight, sitting directly in front of the ThunderDome’s digital audience, often seeming bored or looking for themselves on the Titantron. 

The ringside regulars will have to sit behind a large plexiglass wall, and will be submitted to mandatory hourly nostril swabs for COVID-19 testing, but otherwise will enjoy the in-ring action as before, with the vacant hundred-yard gazes of the terminally mad. 

Green Shirt Guy says he “can’t wait” to get back to the front row, where he will snap pictures on a 17-year-old point-and-click camera, to be viewed at no later date.